chronically enthusiastic

feministfairytale:

blotthis:

feministfairytale:

blotthis:

feministfairytale:

Telling a guy that you wear heels bigger than his dick is not feminism. Neither is slapping a guy and telling him to make you a sandwich. Being abusive to men and calling it empowerment does not make you a feminist, it makes you an asshole.

Truth. Particularly for this type of example! One of the points of feminism, as I understand it, is a world in which everyone feels safe and respected, and in which the world is open to them, regardless of their sex and gender identity.

However, making men - or anyone - uncomfortable because of discussing feminism, or by asking for them to not perform a micro-aggression (perhaps like the ones above) is perfectly acceptable and important.

It’s also worth considering that this appears to twig easily as asshole behavior (which it is), where I can think of similar media examples of micro-aggressions by men that are treated as jokes.

And most people can imagine the response gotten when it’s pointed out. (“chill. it’s just a joke! sarah silverman does it!”)

I am not condoning this behavior by anyone, but I do think it’s telling that it appears to be easier for us, as a society, to discuss and critique aggressive behavior by women against men, rather than the other way around.

tl;dr: Feminism. Still relevant.

Thanks for responding. I did think, before I made this post, that people might think that I was saying that women should just be nice to guys under all circumstances (to protect their feelings) or something similar to that. I think you summed up my stance and worries for the most part. I understand there’s a great imbalance that causes prejudice towards men to be quite different than sexism towards women, but I also think it’s not a great attitude to take to be dismissive of all men and hate them, especially if you call it feminism.

Right! I found myself still thinking about this, so you’re about to get a lot of circular thought about this.

In addition to the points you bring up, the very tricky thing about this, I think, is that the balance of social power is still so disparate, that sometimes it feels as if we shouldn’t critique ourselves for hateful actions, because otherwise we’re supporting the patriarchy. Which I, personally, do not believe. We are people in addition to women, and I—and sometimes it weirds me out—really think we should respect everyone, all the time.

On the other hand, making it even trickier, I think, is that I can see why someone would just be done with men, and that I’m reluctant to tell any woman that she’s doing feminism wrong. To some extent, being an jerk and calling it feminism is radical behavior, in that the power-flip inherent in this behavior is upsetting, and part of that upset—inescapably—is the upset of patriarchy, and might make someone re-evaluate what it feels like to be subjected to a world of micro-aggressions. It also might express a valid, angry response to the micro-aggressions the speaker has lived through.

I don’t believe it’s the most productive way of going about feminist dialogue, because I do think it’s hateful, and that—like I said—is not the way I hope people would treat anyone. On the other hand, patriarchy. The lady being an asshole is still probably more collectively hurt than the man reading that she’s got heels bigger than his dick. Not ideal behavior, and difficult to get anyone to take it seriously—but sometimes that’s not what’s needed, when you’ve got told “gimme some pussy!” on your walk home. Sometimes dialogue doesn’t feel like the point. I know it’s not fair to men who don’t say that. But. 

My points are, I guess: 1. Yes, that’s asshole behavior, 2. I’m way more inclined to forgive it of women, because it comes from a place of resistance to and rejection of social oppression that may, in their aggressiveness, help tear it down and/or provide an outlet, rather than from a place of privilege, which continues that oppression, 3. I realize that’s a double standard, 4. um, yep, so is society, 5. and so, in that vein, in a perfect world, I wish it wouldn’t happen, to anyone, and so I wish people would look at why they choose to repeat that, and see if there’s something else they’d rather say that is closer to respectfulness, to…uh, get us closer, but, 6. in the meantime, I still get it. 

Hoo boy. /wordvomit. 

I agree with everything! Seriously, thanks for taking the time to respond to this post as thoroughly as you have. I think we’ve covered it pretty well. (I have highlighted my favorite parts).

Hey, thank you for being so open for discussion! I really enjoyed thinking about and discussing this. Awesome.

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